1 – Wake Up Call

If you have visited my blog then you can tell from the interviews, I have done with people who have recorded significant weight loss that we all have that moment when we just know without a shadow of doubt that we are truly fat and something must be done about it.

For Nate, who lost 75kg, she could no longer cope with her mother weeping every time she watched her sleep, afraid Nate would not wake up. For Bunmi, it was climbing a flight of stairs and losing her breath. It must have dawned on her that she was in big trouble if “ordinary” stairs made her breathless. For Tayo, it was when she could no longer get into her clothes.

For me, my mother’s complaints did nothing for me. I also avoided going to places where I had to climb stairs. “Why bother myself,” I thought. My clothes not fitting only worried me for a few hours and I would buy bigger clothes before subjecting myself to a girdle. I repeatedly convinced myself that things were not as bad as they seemed and I had more than enough people around me telling me things I wanted to hear:

“You are not fat, you are just chubby.”

“You are just big boned.”

“You are trying to lose weight while I’m dying to add weight?”

“You are beautiful the way you are.”

“If you see a (real) fat person, you will know you aren’t fat.”

Geez! On a bad day, all I needed was to press replay in my mind and I was good to go. I was the kind of girl who would see a fat person and be quick to express my displeasure within myself or to anyone I am with at the time. “Wow! That person is fat oh! Kai, I don’t want to be like that oh.” Trust me, I only said that

around people who would be quick to reassure me. But as they say, every day is for the thief, one day you go finally hear am! That day came sometime in 2013. I went shopping with someone who knew me relatively well, long enough to know I had a problem (as if being fat was not bad enough). Just as we stepped out of the car into the parking lot, here are the things he kept saying to me:

“Remi, can you see that woman? That is how fat you are.”

“Look over there – you are fatter than that woman.”

“See that lady? That is how you dress.”

“That is how you walk, like a duck.”

“That is how you look.”

“Remi, you are fat and I feel embarrassed to be seen with you.”

For those who know me well, getting me to be completely silent after such an attack is something that many have never experienced. But on this day, I was in utter shock. These were the kind of people I would normally look at, with contempt, and feel like a model beside them. These were the kind of people I judged, these were the people I felt sorry for. Suddenly it hit me – these people were just like me, maybe even better. I had been in total denial. At that moment, all I felt was confusion. When I got home, still dazed, it gradually became anger. But for the first time as I stood in front of the mirror, I realised the damning truth. I saw myself for what I really was. As I sat gently, I wondered why I was spoken to in such a rude manner and I remembered the previous gentle words from months before, “Remi….you need to watch your weight.” “You are getting fat.”

“You are not fit.” “You are not hungry, stop eating too much.”

But all of the calm words had fallen on deaf ears. And so on that fateful day, the ear plugs fell. This experience made me wonder why I had not been told this before. Did the people around me not care about me enough? Was I too difficult to talk to? Was I told severally in different subtle ways and I completely ignored it (this seems to be the most likely case) or was I just too good at acting happy that everyone around me felt, “Remi is just fine.” When you are in denial, it is obvious to everyone else but you and most times the people around you feel it is just safer not to talk about it so no one has to deal with the consequences. Fat people take such statements to heart. If you are fat and you are wondering why people don’t tell you, well it is imperative to realise that telling anyone he or she is overweight is difficult, because the speaker knows that what is being said is not something that will please the listener. The speaker knows that the interpretation of the information is not within his or her control and the likelihood that such a statement might affect the relationship is extremely high. So before I got mad at everyone who let me eat my life away, I had to put myself in their shoes.

I realised also that it is more difficult when a slim person is giving a fat person weight loss advice. Oh my, the adviser might not make it out of that situation the same way they arrived. Let me play out exactly what my response would have been once upon a time.

“How dare you judge me? Do you know my story? Do you know how I got here? The struggles I have been through? Do you know what it feels like to be fat? How DIFFICULT it is to lose weight?”

Know this: the only reason why I would ask such questions with audacity is because I know very well that the ‘never been fat, slim person’ cannot answer any of these questions and I can’t afford to be ridiculed!

If they told you, you look good (and you are) fat, two things are involved.

My dear friend, do not be deceived. If you have been told you are big and beautiful, be sure of what you are hearing before you get excited.

You are beautifully made, nobody can ever take that away from you, not even being fat can. But that you are beautiful as a fat person is a lie. Stop telling yourself you are happy the way you are. Stop telling yourself you are just chubby or big boned. Stop calling yourself bold and beautiful or using hashtags like #Biggalsrock

You cannot tell me you feel good when you go into a store almost certain you won’t find your size, or when you are directed to the maternity section because you are bigger than the section for XL. You cannot tell me that you are happy with your arms being almost as big as your thighs. You cannot tell me that you feel good when a tailor says “Madam, this material no go reach you oh.” You cannot tell me you never wished you were slimmer and that you could fit into certain clothes. You cannot tell me you have never felt bad about cancelling certain gatherings because you knew your size would draw all the attention. You can keep

telling yourself that you feel good fat, but honey, I am not buying it. If the people in your life had a chance to choose if they could have a slimmer or fat you, which do you think they would choose?

If you asked your family, your colleagues or even your boss, “what version of me would you prefer?” Do you really think they will say “Oh I want you obese?”

Being fat signifies one, more or all of the following:

a. You have no control over your body

b. You have no control over your mind

c. You have no discipline

d. You can’t say no to temporal gratification

e. You are in denial

f. You are lazy (You may be a successful CEO, but if you are fat, you are lazy)

g. You don’t love yourself enough to make a change

And all these things and more are written on your forehead. Everyone sees it but you. Before you get mad at me for coming at you like this, remember I was once fat. I moved from wearing L to wearing XXL until the store attendants began to avoid me. Do not hate on me for telling you something you don’t hear often.

If you are fat, it is time to leave the “denial zone” and migrate to the zone of a “healthy-and-best-you-there-can-ever be zone” Not because I said so, but because you deserve a happy and healthy life.

HOME WORK

1. Ask yourself “Am I overweight? If the honest answer is yes, then take a deep breath and calm down. Knowing and accepting you are fat is one hundred percent better than being in denial.

2. Check your Body Mass Index (BMI). It is a simple index of weight-for-height that is commonly used to classify underweight, overweight and obesity in adults. It is definedas the weight in kilograms divided by the square of the height in metres (kg/m2). If you think you are slim, check! If you know you are fat but not

sure of how fat you are, check! Your BMI will tell you exactly where you stand. There are many people who don’t know they are overweight because they can still find their sizes in stores, some still wear Medium and maybe even a Small. But according to their BMI, they are above the normal range for their height and weight. Check your BMI, know your status.